happy holidays

If the holidays were all about food, and food making the event, then it would follow that my happiest holidays were when I was eating like a fiend. But that is not the case. My happiest holidays are when I am not choking down all the sugar I can find after I'm already beyond full. They are when I've been forced to focus on the scene beyond the buffet: the lights on the tree, the candles, the people around me. To notice how other women take the time to fix their hair and do their nails, how they put on makeup and a spritz of perfume.
The thing about me though is that once I dive into the wheat and sugar, I could care less about anyone else in the room. In fact, I wish they would leave so I could hang out by myself with the feast. And I'm usually uncomfortable and finding it hard to breath (wheat allergy), and I feel like crap emotionally, and I am bursting out of whatever moo moo I've draped over my hulking form.
I am so grateful to be free of wheat and sugar this year. Slowly my body is changing.

The numbers on the scale have begun creeping downward. I am still surprized when I see pictures of myself - holy crap! I'm wearing a fat suit! But it's turning around. I don't have to be afraid any more. Actually, there's one thing I do have to fear: the little voice in my head that says I can handle one cookie.